


I'm Not Gay (And Other Lies Keith Tells Himself)

by LogicallyLogan, SleepySock



Series: Freaky Voltron [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A lot of gay stuff, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual smutt probably, HE IS, Hitting head against the wall, I am not trying to trigger anyone, Im not really sorry though, It gets better I promise, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith says he's not gay, Lance (Voltron) is a sad boi, Lance is an anxious blue boi, Lance speaks Spanish, Langst, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Mild Language, Mild self harm but not really, One-Sided Attraction, Oral Sex, Picking and pinching skin, Pidgeon gets angry, Please read all warnings and notes, Pulling own hair, READ THE WARNINGS IN EACH CHAPTER PLEASE, Sex Dreams, Sexual Content, Shiro and Keith are like brothers - Freeform, Spoiler Alert - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, This gets very depressing, What else is new, but only for a while, gay kissing, gay relationship, hunk makes cookies, keith has a revelation, klance, klangst, mild violence, that kind of thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-07-29 22:51:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16274006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LogicallyLogan/pseuds/LogicallyLogan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepySock/pseuds/SleepySock
Summary: After Keith and Lance switched bodies, Keith starts having feelings he can't quite explain.Lance has loved Keith for quite some time, but he never thought he would say it out loud.After a lot of confusion, a bit of violence, countless tears from one side of the party, and a whole lot of denial, Shiro finally slaps some sense into Keith.This got really depressing and I wasn't planning that, but it's still pretty great tbh-----This fic takes place after Freaky Voltron! Please read that first if you have not already.More tags will be added if need be. Please let me know if I missed anything. Also, chapters with sexual content will have warnings in their titles. Most chapters have some mild language. Check chapter notes for any trigger warnings.-----





	1. That's Not What I Meant

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy the first chapter!! If you did, stick around to see how the story plays out :)

Keith stood in the bathroom staring in the mirror. The mornings events had left him exhausted and confused. He had actually switched bodies with Lance. It wasn't some weird space juice induced dream. It had happened. And not only that, but he had actually kissed Lance. 

Sure, he had only done it because Pidge said it would switch them back. Still, he couldn't deny that his lips tingled every time he thought about the kiss. 

Keith splashed water in his face as if he was trying to wash away the thoughts. He couldn't have enjoyed kissing Lance. For one thing, it was Lance. Sure they were friends, but he didn't think of him as anything more. Second of all, he wasn't gay. He didn't have any problem with gay people, obviously. Shiro was gay and he was practically Keith's brother. Keith himself just wasn't into guys. 

He dried his face on a towel and walked out of the bathroom, running directly into Lance. 

"I thought you were going to get food." Keith said as he steadied himself. 

"I was," Lance said, running his hand over the back of his head and looking slightly embarrassed.

"So what stopped you?" 

"Well. I was kind of thinking. About that kiss from earlier." Lance babbled. If Keith didn't know any better, he would say Lance was actually nervous. 

"You mean the kiss that you seemed all too excited for?" Keith questioned. 

"Well, it wasn't that I was excited, really. It was just. I wanted my body back and all, you know." Lance continued to go on and on, mentally yelling at himself to stop talking. "So I guess you could say I was excited, but not for the reasons you think. I mean the reasons you probably think; I obviously don't know what you're thinking. Although I'm sure it's something along the lines of 'Lance get to the point or shut up', since that's what I'm thinking right now," he laughed nervously, fidgeting with the sleeves on his jacket. 

"Look, Lance, I really don't have time for this," Keith said, pushing past Lance to try and go to the training deck. He needed to destroy some robots to feel like himself again. 

"Right, I'll get to the point," Lance replied, sheepishly. "I don't know what's gotten into me. You know I'm not usually like this. I mean obviously I'm not usually like this I'm the one with the smooth moves." He did little finger guns when he said the last words, making Keith raise an eyebrow. 

"Lance," Keith said, interrupting the other boy, who was still rambling on, "the point?" 

"Oh, right. Sorry. Okay, smooth moves." He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair, smirking at Keith with a look Keith had often seen Lance give to... well, every female they met. "I was thinking that maybe you and I should hang out some time." 

Keith blinked at him, trying to understand what was really going on. 

"We're together practically every day?" Keith answered. He was pretty sure he knew what Lance meant, but he had to double check. 

"Yeah, that's not... what I meant." Lance said, his voice faltering again. 

"Right." Keith said, side-stepping to get around Lance. "Well, when you can remember the english language, I'll be on the training deck." 

Keith walked off, leaving Lance to keep mumbling to himself. Lance waited until Keith was out of sight and then took a few steps forward, deciding that the best solution to deal with his embarrassment was to hit his head against the wall. 

"You're going to give yourself brain damage," Pidge said, walking up behind him. "Well, even more brain damage." she laughed. But Lance wasn't laughing. He turned around and slumped against the wall, sliding down and bringing his knees to his chest. Pidge looked down at him, concerned. "Penny for your thoughts?" 

Lance buried his head in his knees and mumbled, "why did you make me kiss him?" 

"I don't speak gibberish," she said, nudging his leg with her foot. 

Lance lifted his head, leaning it back against the wall with his eyes squeezed shut. 

"Why did you make me kiss him?" he repeated.

"Because I thought it'd be funny. And I thought you would enjoy it," Lance's eyes shot open in surprise. 

"Why would I like it?!" he asked, almost frantically. "Why, w-why, why would you think I'd like kissing Keith?!" 

"Seriously?" Pidge asked, raising her eyebrows. He continued to stare up at her, embarrassment clear on his face. She sat on the floor in front of him, crossing her legs. "Lance, I see how you look at him. It doesn't take a genius to figure out you have feelings for him." 

"I don't... look at him," Lance stumbled over the words. "I mean, not in any... special way." Pidge just stared at him, eyebrows raised. "You're not buying that, are you?" 

"Not for a second." Lance knocked his head against the wall again. "Am I going to have to bring you a pillow? Look, its no big deal. You have a crush. So what?" 

"Yeah... a crush" Lance said, almost mockingly. "Just a crush where he's all I ever think about. Just a crush where all I want to do is be around him and spend time with him and hug him and kiss him. Just a crush where I'm absolutely, head over heels in love with him and..." he trailed off, looking up to meet Pidge's eyes. "I have to go." 

Lance jumped up and took off down the hall. Pidge followed close behind him. 

"Lance wait." Lance turned around abruptly, causing Pidge to run into him. 

"Please don't tell anyone" he said, grabbing onto her shoulders and leaning down to meet her at eye level. "Please, Pidge, you cannot tell anyone." 

"Relax! I'm not going to tell anyone" she assured him, pushing his hands off of her shoulders. "But it's not like it's anything to be ashamed of." 

"It's not? Are you sure? Because I just tried asking him out and he looked at me like I had two heads... which would be kind of cool, but that's not the point." Pidge looked up at him with a look that he could only describe as pity. "Stop looking at me like that." Lance turned back around and started walking to his room. 

"Lance!" Pidge called after him. "Come on, Lover Boy, talk to me." 

Lance stopped just outside of his room, one hand on the door. 

"What do I do?" He sounded desperate. Almost broken. All Pidge could think to do was to slide between him and the door and wrap him in a hug. He gladly returned the gesture. 

"Just keep being you," she said into his chest. "If he doesn't love you for you, then he's not worth it anyways." 

Lance pulled away and smiled down at her. "Thanks, Pidge." He ruffled her hair and she reached up to poke him on the nose. 

Pidge stepped to the side so Lance could get into his room. The minute the door closed behind him, he flung himself down onto his bed. 

He couldn't believe he had just admitted to Pidge that he loved Keith. Not that he thought he was cute or even that he had a little crush. No, he had just said out loud that he was in love with Keith.

He rolled over and stuffed his face into his pillow, letting out a string of swear words along with some inhuman screeches. 

He was in way too deep.


	2. Heated Showers and Heated Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith struggles with his feelings. Things get heated in more ways than one.

Keith was in the middle of the training deck, staring at the floor. He hadn't even started his training. He just stood there with his bayard in hand, still confused by his little encounter with Lance. 

Why had Lance wanted to hang out with him? Why was he thinking about the kiss? Why was he so nervous? And most importantly, why did Keith care so much? 

He put his bayard away, giving up on training. He told himself he was just tired and mixed up from the body switching. That was the only explanation for why the kiss would even affect him. Right? 

He decided that resting was a good idea. He went to his room and laid down, his eyes already feeling heavy. He let his eyes close, hoping that sleep would find him soon. 

He heard the door open and looked up to find Lance standing in the doorway. 

"May I come in?" Lance asked, one side of his mouth raised to form his signature smirk. 

"I-I uh. I guess" Keith stammered out. 

Lance walked over to the bed, sitting down beside Keith. His hand fell on top of Keith's, his thumb rubbing circles on top of the leather glove that Keith could have sword he had taken off. 

"You know," Lance said, leaning closer, "you never gave me an answer." 

"An answer to what?" Keith asked. His heart was racing and he didn't understand why. 

"To whether or not you would accompany me on a date" Lance answered. He had lost all nervousness from before and was his usual cocky self. 

"I'm flattered," Keith said, pulling his hand away, "but I'm not gay." 

"That kiss said otherwise." 

"I only kissed you because Pidge said it would switch us back." 

"Pidge may have made you kiss me," Lance said, bringing his lips closer to Keith's ear, "but she didn't make you like it." 

Keith shivered at the closeness. He could feel Lance's breath on his skin, and for the life of him he couldn't figure out why it sent shivers down his spine. 

"I didn't like it." he said, more to himself than anyone else. 

"You didn't, huh?" Lance asked, pulling back from Keith's ear. "Then why am I here?" 

Before Keith could answer, Lance had moved his hand to the back of Keith's head, pulling him in for a kiss. Keith tensed at the sudden feeling of lips on his own. His eyes shot open wide and his hands moved to push Lance away. He put his hands on Lance's chest, ready to push him off and start yelling. Instead he felt Lance's heartbeat under his palms. Slow and steady. Calming. As his body calmed, he became very aware of how soft Lance's lips were. How they moved against his effortlessly. 

Fuck it. He did like this. The soft lips. The faint smell of oatmeal, no doubt from one of Lance's face masks. Lance's hands in his hair. The sound of Lance breathing so close to him. The way Lance's tongue darted out against his lips, begging to be let in. 

He closed his eyes and let himself sink into the kiss, his hands balling up Lance's shirt as he pulled him closer. He moved one hand to Lance's waist, pulling the smaller boy on top of him as he laid back down. Lance swung one leg over Keith, straddling him and deepening the kiss. 

Before long, they were both out of breath. Lance pulled away to give them both some air. Keith took in the sight above him; Lance's hair in a tousled mess, his lips already swollen from the kiss, a faint blush on his cheeks. Every sight immediately went south of the border. He felt his dick twitch as Lance started to move on top of him. 

Lance leaned back down to place soft kisses on Keith's jaw, leaving Keith's skin tingling everywhere his lips touched. 

No matter what hesitations he had had before, Keith was in no way complaining now. Not even as Lance moved to kiss his chest through his shirt and then left a trail of light kisses down his stomach. Lance lifted Keith's shirt slightly, just enough to see some skin. Keith couldn't help but let out a small moan as Lance's lips found the soft skin there, sucking and biting lightly, leaving a very clear mark. 

Lance smiled up at him, moving even further down. His hands moved to Keith's belt, undoing it without wasting a second. 

"Keith," Lance said, his voice sounding far away. "Keith," he repeated. 

Keith tilted his head, silently questioning Lance as he kept repeating his name, sounding further and further away. Before long, it didn't even sound like Lance's voice. 

No, wait. It wasn't Lance's voice. It was... Hunk? 

Keith sat up in bed, suddenly alone. He heard knocking on his door as Hunk called out to him from the other side. 

"Keith? Lunch is ready." 

"I'll uh. I'll be there in a minute," Keith shouted back, his throat dry and his voice sounding strained. 

He heard Hunk walking away as he looked down at his blanket-covered lap. No way could he go to lunch like that.

\-----

"Lance, you have to eat." Pidge pulled on Lance's leg. Damn, did he have a tight grip on his bed. 

"What's the point?" Lance asked, his voice slightly muffled by the pillow. 

"The point is," Pidge started, grabbing onto his other leg, "you need food for energy. You need energy to fight. You need to fight to protect the entire universe. So get. Up. And. Eat." She put a foot against Lance's bed and pulled again. "How are you holding on so long?!" 

Lance let go of the bed and let himself fall onto the floor. Pidge fell backwards onto the floor, Lance's legs landing on top of her. "Lance, what is wrong?" 

She already knew the answer, of course, but she was hoping she could get him talking and maybe cheer him up. Somehow. 

"Where do I begin?"

He was still slumped against his bed, not bothering to move after Pidge pulled him. His face was buried in his mattress, one arm thrown carelessly beside his head while the other hung by his side. His stomach was pressed up against the bed while his legs fell behind him, still laying on top of Pidge. Had he not been weirdly flexible, he would have been quite uncomfortable. 

"Is this still about Keith?" Pidge asked, knowing the answer. 

"No," Lance said, doing his best to sound sarcastic. "It's about the other incredibly cute boy that I made a fool of myself in front of." 

He rolled over and slid the rest of the way off the bed. Pidge pushed his legs off of her and crossed her own, fixing her glasses; they had practically fallen off during the fall. 

"Look, Lover Boy. You know you're like a brother to me. So what I'm about to say is entirely out of love." Lance looked up at her from his spot on the floor: just in time for her hand to connect with his cheek with a rather loud smack.

"What the hell, you little gremlin!" 

"You make a fool of yourself in front of Keith on a daily basis." She said, watching Lance's face change back from pain to sadness. "You make a fool of yourself in front of all of us on a daily basis!" 

He rolled onto his stomach, letting out an audible sigh. Before he could get comfortable, Pidge grabbed his arm and pulled him up, making him sit down on his bed so that she could look down at him. He kept his head down, staring at Pidge's feet. 

"You're silly, childish, sometimes a little ditzy, cocky, and sometimes you're nearly insane. That is why we love you, you idiot!" Lance looked up at her with surprise in his eyes. She could already see the mark from where she had slapped him. "If you weren't all of those things, you wouldn't be you." 

"And what's so great about me?" He asked, lowing his head again. 

Pidge grabbed on to his face with her left hand, making him look at her. Her fingers lightly squished his cheeks, sort of making him look like a fish. "You," she said, pointing at him with her free hand, "you are a Paladin of Voltron!" She let of go his jaw, standing up straight. "You use all of your cute little quirks to fight literal aliens and protect planets. You're smart, funny, kind, and incredibly hot. Anyone throughout the entire universe and all of the other universes out there would be lucky to have you." 

Pidge pushed her glasses up and crossed her arms, making it clear that she meant every word. 

"I-I don't," Lance started, but Pidge cut him off. 

"Don't even think about arguing with me. Every word I said is 100% true. I would say 110% if that were mathematically possible, but of course we both know it's not. You do know that, right? Of course you do. Anyways, YOU are a catch, Lover Boy! If Keith doesn't see that, then make him see it." She leaned down to meet him at eye level. "If you think this could be something real, then make him love you." 

"And how do I do that?" 

"By being you. Without changing a single thing. You are perfect just the way you are and if Keith is meant to love you then he will love you for the childish, foolish, crazy beam of light that you are." She stood up, poking Lance on the nose and walking out of the room. 

Lance stared at the floor, Pidge's words echoing in his head. Maybe she was right. 

'I am pretty awesome' he thought to himself. A smile crept onto his face as he felt more and more encouraged by the pep talk. 

He got up from his bed, finally feeling okay enough to eat. He raced to the dining hall, finding Pidge already in her seat beside Hunk. Lance pulled her up, wrapping her in a hug that was just a bit too tight.

"Maybe you aren't a total gremlin after all" he said, spinning her around. 

"Lance," she replied, her voice a hoarse whisper, "cant. Breathe." 

He let her go, rubbing the top of her head. She smacked his hand away after a moment, not wanting to admit that she actually liked when he did that. 

"I'm glad I could help" she told him, reclaiming her seat by Hunk. Hunk looked at her, confused. "It's nothing," she laughed. Hunk took her word for it and went back to eating. 

Lance joined them at the table, sitting beside Pidge and immediately starting to eat. After all, Keith hadn't fed his body that morning, so he was practically starving. 

'Speaking of Keith' Lance thought as he looked around the room. The taller boy was no where to be seen. 

"Hey, where's Keith?" he questioned, trying not to sound too interested in the answer. 

"I tried to get him," Hunk said as he ate. "He seemed a little," he stopped to look at Pidge, not wanting to corrupt her innocent ears, "um... preoccupied." He would never tell Keith that he had heard his moans through the door, but he had heard enough to get a good idea of what was going on. 

Hunk shot Lance that "you know" look and Lance's eyes shot wide open. 

"No way!" 

"Wait, what?" Pidge questioned, looking between the two of them. "What's going on? What was he doing?" 

"Nothing!" Hunk said, laughing. 

"Oh, come on Pidge," Lance added, nudging her with his elbow, "you know." 

It took Pidge a second to understand what they were saying. "Oh... OH! EW! I don't need to know that!" She covered her ears and shuddered at the thought. 

"You asked," Hunk laughed at her. 

Shiro walked into the dining hall, taking a seat by Allura and Coran; who had both been completely oblivious to the conversation. 

"Where's Keith?" Shiro wondered, looking to the other Paladins for answers. 

Hunk and Lance started laughing again as Pidge put her head in her hands, audibly groaning while she tried to get the image out of her brain. 

\-----

The warm water fell on Keith's back as he faced the opposite shower wall. His left arm was beside his head against the wall, supporting him; the hand in a fist so tight his nails dug into his flesh. The pain only pushing him further. 

His right hand was a little lower. 

The dream still played over in his mind. He could still feel Lance's lips on his own and the way they sucked on his skin. The dream was too real; too intense. 

He imagined what would have happened if he hadn't been woken up. Lance unbuckling his jeans and sliding them down. Lance mouthing at him through the thin cotton of his briefs before pulling them down as well. Lance's soft lips wrapping around him. Lance. Lance. Lance. 

He came sooner than he expected, his head falling back as he had to bite his lip to keep from screaming Lance's name. 

Looking down at the mess he had made in the shower, he suddenly became very thankful that his dream had been interrupted. It would have been a lot harder to clean up his bedsheets. 

Keith quickly became very aware of what had just happened. 

He had almost had a full blown sex dream; about Lance! Not only that, but he enjoyed it so much that he had to jerk off in the shower like a horny teenager going through puberty. 

He let his head fall against the shower wall again. What had gotten into him? All of this over a stupid kiss? 

His mind wondered back to Lance's comment after they had switched back. 'If you ever want to be in my body again...' The words had set Keith's body on fire; a heat he couldn't explain spreading over every inch of him. And the way Lance had been so nervous asking him out. There was no sense of mockery. No joking. Maybe Lance wanted this too. 

Except, Keith didn't want this. He couldn't want this. It was Lance. Stupid, childish, incredibly adorable Lance.

He hadn't meant to think the last part. 

He shook his head violently and slammed the sides of both fists against the shower wall. 

'Enough!' he thought to himself. 'You're tired, hungry, and still disoriented from having your actual soul leave your body. You do not like Lance.' He repeated the last sentence again and again, trying to make it sink in. 

He stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. Once he was dried and dressed, he decided to go see if there was any food left from lunch. 

He walked into the dining hall, surprised to find Hunk and Pidge still sitting at the table; Lance sitting right beside them. Keith stopped in his tracks. 

"You guys are still here?" 

"You seem upset by that," Lance said, leaning towards Keith. "Tell me. Does seeing us really make your life so ~hard~?" Hunk fought to hide his laughter. 

"What's so funny?" Keith asked as he took his seat at the table.

"Oh nothing! I just want you to know. If you ever find yourself facing something too hard," Lance paused, emphasizing the last word, "I'm always glad to offer my, uh, assistance." Hunk nearly fell out of his chair laughing as Lance winked at Keith. Pidge sunk into chair, willing herself not to laugh. 

"What's going on," Keith asked through gritted teeth, gripping onto his fork a bit too tight. 

"Ah, Keith," Lance said, shaking his head, "I didn't know that kiss would get to you like that. I have to say, I'm a little hurt that you didn't invite me to join you." Another wink; and another bought of laughter from Hunk. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Hunk heard you, man. You can't lie to us now." 

"Your door is pretty thin." Hunk added, rubbing the back of his head, embarrassed. 

Keith turned almost as red as his jacket. 

"You heard... and you told EVERYONE?!" Keith went from being embarrassed to being entirely pissed off. 

"Look, I'm sorry, man," Hunk said, flinching away from Keith's voice. "They asked where you were. I didn't want to lie." 

"Keith, Keith, Keith." Lance shook his head. "So short tempered. It's nothing to be-" 

He was cut off by Keith practically jumping out of his chair, kicking it behind him as he reached across the table to stab his fork into a piece of bread on Lance's plate. The other three stared at him in shock and horror. Without another word, he stood straight and left the dining hall. 

Had had barely made it out the door when Lance came running up behind him. 

"Keith, I'm sorry, okay." Lance said, putting a hand on Keith's shoulder, making him stop. "It's really nothing to be so embarrassed about. I mean, we all gotta get off every now and then. And, of course, I am rather irresistible." 

Keith grabbed Lance's arm and practically threw him into the wall, keeping him there with a hand on his chest. 

"Whatever you think I was doing, I wasn't." He started, his face barely an inch away from Lance's. "And even if I was, it certainly wouldn't be because of you." 

He let his hand fall from Lance's chest, walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so. Don't be mad about me be a cockblock. It's fun. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Honestly, I love angry Keith. Let me know what you think. I love comments of any kind:)


	3. Maybe I Am Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge gets angry and Keith starts to accept the truth. 
> 
> ~This was supposed to be uploaded yesterday but I ended up getting very busy. I do apologize! I hope you enjoy!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~TRIGGER WARNINGS~ Lance has a panic attack (this will happen a lot in this fic he is an anxious boi.) During the attack he starts pulling at his hair (so very, very mild self-harm warning) and there is a lot of self-deprecating talk. Keith kinda seems homophobic for a minute, but he's not, I promise. Also, Keith kinda ends up with his hand around Lance's throat at one point and it's not in the sexy way.   
> ~~~~~  
> There is some Spanish in this chapter so I'm going to include translations in the notes at the end. Also, I hope you all have your permission slips, because we are about to go on a feels trip. Have fun!

Lance stood against the wall, mouth gaping as he stared after Keith. He felt tears prickling in the corners of his eyes. He wasn't sure if he was more hurt by being flung into a wall or by Keith's harsh words. 

The tears started falling as he slid down the wall. Before long, he was sobbing into his knees. 

Keith's words echoed in his head. "It certainly wouldn't be because of you." Of course it wouldn't be. 

Lance liked to pretend he was a casinova but honestly his crappy one liners never really made anyone think he was a catch. And was he? His personality was too much sometimes, clearly a turn off, and he talked non stop most of the time. Maybe he really was just a seventh wheel. Really, what did he provide the team that the others couldn't provide much better? He was constantly being told to stop goofing around on missions. How could anyone, let alone Keith, find that attractive? And his stupid beauty routines! As if he could make his ugly face just a bit more pleasing to look at. Obviously they weren't helping. And his stupid thin body? Barely even a trace of muscle. With all of those flaws, how could anyone, let alone someone as perfect as Keith, be even remotely attracted to him. Lance sighed dejectedly.

"Tan intútil. Tan feo. Tan estúpido. Tan pesado." He repeated the insults over and over, hitting his head against his knees and pulling at his hair. 

He wasn't sure how long he sat there crying, but before he knew it, Hunk was running out of the dining hall. Pidge was on his back, holding an arm out and screaming "charge" as they ran past Lance. 

"Let's go Lancey Lance, it's training ti- what happened?" Pidge looked back at him concerned. "Hunk, change of plans. Set courses for Lancey Lance. Charge!" Hunk ran back to Lance, Pidge dropping off of his back as they reached the shaking boy on the ground. 

"What's going on?" Hunk asked. 

Lance looked up at Pidge, not wanting to say anything in front of Hunk. She gave him a knowing look. 

"Hey, Hunk, could you give use a minute?" 

"Sure. I'll meet you guys on the training deck." He walked away, turning back every few seconds hoping to see Lance cheering up. 

"Okay, it's just us." Pidge said, sitting beside him. "You can talk. What happened?" 

Lance tried to stop his tears, but they kept coming. "K-Keith," he managed to stammer out. 

"Keith did this to you?!" Pidge yelled, jumping up. Lance flinched away from her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, squatting down and resting a hand on his knee. "What did Keith do?" 

Lance told her what had happened, regretting it immediately as Pidge raced off to Keith's room. 

"Pidge, please," Lance said, chasing after her, "don't do this!" 

"Don't try and stop me!" Pidge yelled back. 

"Please, I don't want him to know," he begged her. 

"You don't want him to know what?!" she screamed, turning towards him. "You don't want him to know that he's an asshole? That he has no sympathy for anyone else's feelings? That he-" 

"Pidge, I am begging you," he cried, putting his hands on her shoulders and leaning down to look in her eyes, "don't let him know I was crying. Please he can't know. He will never let me live it down." 

"Okay, I won't mention you crying," she promised, "but I'm going to talk to him. You go on to training. I'll meet you there." She gave him a quick hug before he walked off towards the training deck. 

Pidge turned around, straightening her back and balling her fists, trying to look and feel as tough as possible. She stomped to Keith's room, becoming more and more angry every second, pounding on the door when she got there. 

The second the door opened Pidge started yelling. Keith stumbled back, shocked at the unexpected anger from the smallest Paladin. 

"What is wrong with you?!" she bellowed, storming into his room without asking for an invitation. 

"What did I do?" Keith asked defensively.

"What did you do? What did you do?! Where do I start?! The whole thing with the fork?! Throwing Lance against a wall?! Saying all those mean things to him?! Making him cry?!" She froze after the last sentence. "I shouldn't have said that." 

She turned to the door and started walking away before she heard a quiet voice behind her. 

"I made him cry?" Keith questioned. He felt a pain in his chest at the thought. 

"I wasn't supposed to tell you that. I swear to Voltron, Keith if you give him any crap for that-" 

"I'm not going to." Keith slumped onto his bed. "I didn't mean to make him cry." 

"Yeah, well," Pidge said, raising her arms to the sides, "you did. So bravo." She crossed her arms over her chest. 

"I'm sorry. I don't understand. What did he say? Why was he crying?" Keith seemed genuinely concerned and it took Pidge by surprise. 

"He was crying because he likes you, you moron." She had already let one secret out, may as well try and fix it with another. She walked over to his bed, sitting beside him. 

"He what?" Keith had thought of the possibility, of course. It would make sense with the way Lance was acting after the kiss. 

"He. Likes. You." Pidge repeated, looking at the dumbfounded expression on Keith's face. 

"He likes. H-he. But I don't. I'm not. I ju-" 

"Are you going to finish a sentence?" 

"I'm not gay." was all he could think to say. 

"So? Neither is he." She had a point and Keith knew it. 

"It's just," he started, standing and beginning to pace, "I've never been into guys before. Ever. No guy has ever peaked my interest. I'm not gay. I don't look at guys like that. I've always been attracted to girls and only girls since I understood what attraction was. So why would I be attracted to a guy now? Why would everything just suddenly change? Why would I have feelings for a guy? It doesn't make sense. I'm not gay!" He practically screamed the last part, pounding his fist on the wall in front of him. 

"Would it really be so bad if you were?" Pidge asked, all of her anger gone as things started to click in her genius brain. Keith wasn't being an ass just because he could. He had feelings for Lance too. He just had a very unhealthy way of expressing them. "I mean, Shiro's gay. I'm pretty sure Coran is. Lance is... I have no idea what Lance is. Wait! You aren't, like, homophobic or something, right? Because if you are-" 

"No, of course not." 

"Then what's the problem?" 

"The problem is... after all this time, why would Lance be the first and only guy to ever make me second guess myself?" He sulked back over to the bed, sitting beside Pidge. 

"So, you're saying you have feelings for him, too?" Keith immediately went back on the defensive. 

"What? No. No! It's Lance!" 

"What's wrong with Lance?" Pidge asked angrily, shoving his arm. 

"Nothing!" he answered, holding up his hands to protect himself from any further assault from the small angry pidgeon. "Nothing. I just, I can't like Lance, okay. He's... I mean, he's Lance. He's my friend. He's a goofball and he's so fidgety and even you have to admit he's a little weird sometimes. He's always jumping all over the place and using those stupid, cute movie one-liners and-" 

"What was that?" Pidge laughed. 

Keith thought about what he has said, cursing himself in his mind. 

"I said stupid one-liners." 

"Oh, there was more to that sentence." Pidge nudged his arm, smirking at him. 

"No, I don't think there was. Maybe you should go. I've already told you way too much." Pidge jumped off of the bed and turned towards him. 

"Maybe we should both go. We're late for training. Which means I am forced to ignore you calling Lance cute." 

"I never said that!" 

Keith followed her out of his room, the door closing behind them. 

"Hey, Pidge," they both stopped and looked at each other, "I appreciate you talking to me, but if you tell anyone anything that I said, I will never trust you again." 

"Your secret is safe with me," she laughed as she started walking again. "Lance totally doesn't need to know that you think he's cute." She practically skipped the rest of the way to the training deck. 

"I never said that!" 

They entered the training deck to find that training had already started. 

"You're late," Shiro noted, glaring at Keith. "I'm sure there was good reason?" 

"It was my fault," Pidge said, taking the blame along with Shiro's death glare. "It won't happen again." 

\---

Lance avoided eye contact with Keith as much as possible, but Keith could still see his red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He felt a tightness in his chest and stomach as he remembered that he was the reason for those tears. 

Neither of them paid much attention in training. Keith was too busy watching Lance to make sure he was okay. Lance was too busy pretending to be okay. This proved to be a problem when Keith ended up in a chokehold, his bayard across the room, while Lance managed to shoot everywhere but the robot holding Keith hostage. 

Shiro shut off the training sequence, his anger quickly evident. He picked up Keith's bayard, shoving it into Keith's hands as the robot let Keith fall to the floor. 

"What was that?" Shiro asked, aiming the question at Keith. Before Keith could answer he turned to Lance. "Were you trying to shoot Keith?" Lance looked at the floor, avoiding Shiro's angry gaze. Shiro rarely yelled, but his eyes shot daggers every time he was angry. "You just got yourselves and, more than likely, your teammates killed." 

"Well maybe if Keith-" Lance started before Keith cut him off.

"Me? What about you?! You almost took my head off!" 

"Well, maybe if your mullet wasn't so big," Keith charged at Lance before he could finish. Shiro grabbed Keith's waist, throwing him onto the ground away from Lance. 

"Enough! I don't know what is going on between the two of you, but you need to work it out before you get someone hurt or even killed." Shiro held out a hand to pull Keith up. "Both of you, off of the training deck. Now." 

Keith and Lance left the training deck, neither of them saying a word until the doors closed behind them. Lance would never understand why he coped with his sadness by being extra cocky and sarcastic, especially when he knew he needed to just stay quiet. That didn't stop him from taunting Keith once they were in the hall. 

"I guess training was just a little too ~hard~ for you, huh, Keith," he said, jabbing a finger into Keith's side. Keith said nothing, balling his fists in anger as he continued to walk away. Lance could see he was only making things worse and he internally yelled at himself to stop talking, but it didn't help. "Where you going, buddy? Going to take a ~cold shower~ to cool off from traini-" before he could finish his sentence, he was flying through the air, landing on the ground with Keith straddling his stomach. 

Keith's hand around Lance's throat wasn't enough to cut off his breathing, but it was enough for Keith to feel he had made his point. 

"At least take me to dinner first," Lance laughed, winking. 

"Shut up," Keith said, staring at the boy he had pinned down beneath him. Keith moved his hand to Lance's chest, but made no attempt to get up. He looked into Lance's eyes, still slightly red and puffy from where he was crying. "You've been crying." 

"What? No, no it's just. Allergies. Weird, space allergies. No big deal." 

Keith wasn't surprised by the lie. Neither of them were very good at sharing their feelings. Keith was the worst with feelings, he realized. He had now angrily pinned down Lance twice in one day, all because he thought he might have a little crush on the younger Paladin. 

"You know," Lance said, smirking at the boy above him, "I'm starting to think you just enjoy pinning me against things." 

"And I'm starting to think you enjoy pissing me off," Keith stood up, offering his hand to Lance. 

"Awe, is playtime over?" Lance accepted the help and stood up.

Keith could see through the facade, knowing Lance was just hiding his pain. "Knock it off, Lance." Keith saw Lance's smile falter for less than a second. 

"Knock what off? I'm just being my typical goofy self." He playfully punched Keith on the arm. "Nothing different going on here." He started walking backwards, headed for his bedroom. "All is completely normal!" He turned the corner and broke into a run. 

Keith stayed where he was, staring after Lance. Silly, goofy, slightly insane, incredibly adorable Lance. Keith felt his stomach twist into a knot. 

Adorable? Lance? Did those two words work in the same sentence? 

He thought of all of Lance's little quirks. The way he talked just a bit too fast when he was nervous or excited. How he jumped around when explaining anything and everything. The way he could always crack a joke to break the tension; or to cause more tension in some cases. His fake confidence to cover up his very real insecurities. 

Keith didn't even understand why he had any insecurities. He was smart. Maybe not Pidge smart, but no one was. He was funny. He was attractive, no doubt. Keith would have admitted that the moment he met him. He had dark skin with an adorable freckle pattern, a pointed chin and soft but prominent jaw line, a slight build, and an ass that just did not quit. Not that Keith had ever checked out Lance's ass. He wouldn't do that. Would he? 

Keith's stomach was in so many knots, he was pretty sure it would cause actual, physical damage to his organs. He felt his face grow warm as he came to the shocking realization; he did have feelings for Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not speak Spanish YET. I am learning, do bear with me and please ~politely~ correct me if I make a mistake :) 
> 
> Tan - so (as in "so useless" and "so ugly")  
> Inútil - useless   
> Feo - ugly   
> Estúpido - stupid   
> Pesado - annoying (in this case means annoying. Can also mean heavy)


	4. Cookies and Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys admit their feelings for each other. It may have been more productive to admit them to one another, but they're complicated babies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~TRIGGER WARNINGS~ where do I begin? Anxiety attacks, self-depreication, self-harm (picking at skin, pulling hair, pinching self; all of this is during Lance's anxiety attack) basically this is all really depressing.  
> \-----  
> Quick thing: i have not watched all of Voltron yet. I'm on season five waiting for my friends to be able to watch it with me because we said we would watch together. There are probably others reading this who have not seen much of the show. I am going to do my best to keep the story spoiler free so please do the same in the comments ^~^ 
> 
> So sorry I missed updating on Friday! Hopefully this week will be less stressful and I'll be able to upload on time. I hope you enjoy this chapter! There's more depresso Lance and more spanish. Translations are at the end! Enjoy! And please comment and tell me what you think. I love comments! Thank you all so much for reading!

Lance felt tears trickle down his face for the second time that day.

"¡Soy un idiota! ¿Por qué me molesto? Ugh!" Lance covered his mouth and slid down his door as he choked back a sob. 

"Tan patético... " he hiccuped. Squeezing his eyes tight. 

No mater how hard he tried, he knew it didn't matter. Being himself? Yeah, right. Pidge was smart but her opinion was biased. She loved Lance, for whatever reason. Lance couldn't comprehend why anyone could tolerate him. Even Shiro seemed fed up with him. It was obvious that Keith didn't like him. He was just trying to be himself but Keith told him to knock it off. 

Lance shouldn't be surprised, honestly. He knew Keith thought he was annoying. He knew Keith hated them. And why wouldn't he? He talked too loud and too much, he was always goofing off, and he was so annoying.

"so so annoying. Tan pesado. So annoying." 

Lance heard knocking on his door. He jumped up, wiping tears away frantically. 

"¡U-un momento!" 

He finished wiping away his tears and opened the door. Standing on the other side was Hunk; with a plate of cookies. 

"Hey, buddy!" Hunk said, holding out the plate, his eyes closed as he smiled wide. "I knew you were upset earlier so I just wanted to check up on you." 

Hunk opened his eyes, immediately noticing the few tears left on Lance's cheeks. Lance looked to the side, but Hunk still saw his lip quivering as he fought back more tears. Hunk set the cookies does on the floor and wrapped Lance in a hug, lifting him off of the ground. 

"Uh... Hunk?" Lance questioned when Hunk didn't put him down. 

"Sorry!" Hunk said, setting Lance down and picking up the plate of cookies. "I don't like seeing people cry. It makes me a little emotional." He wiped a single tear from his eye.

Lance smiled at him. At least he knew Hunk really cared about him. For whatever reason. 

"Thank you, Hunk. It means a lot." Lance took the cookies and set them on the small desk in his room. 

"I don't know what's going on," Hunk said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head, "and I don't know if you want me to know. But I'm always here for you, man. I hope you know that." 

"Of course I do, Hunk. It's just..." he trailed off. He didn't want to bother Hunk with all of his pathetic problems. "It's a long story." 

"Well," Hunk said, crossing to the desk and picking up a cookie, "we have a lot of cookies." 

Lance smiled at him, picking up a cookie for himself. "We're going to need some milk." 

They clinked their cookies together in a "cheers" motion and headed off to Kaltenecker. 

\---

"So" Hunk said, taking a bite of his cookie, "what's going on, man. You're usually so happy and bubbly and funny."

Lance let out a sigh and put his cookie back on the plate. They were sitting on the floor in Lance's room, the still full plate of cookies between them. "If I tell you this, you are sworn to secrecy, Hunk" he said, pointing a finger at Hunk. 

"My lips are sealed" he moved his fingers in a zipper motion across his lips. 

"And you can't laugh!" 

"I won't if it's not funny" Hunk told him, finishing off his cookie. 

"Okay..." Lance closed his eyes and took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he was about to say, "I'm in love." Hunk waited for Lance to say more, but he never did.

"Isn't love supposed to be a good thing?" he questioned. Lance opened his eyes and looked down. 

"It is when they love you back." 

"Oh... I'm sorry, man. I know that's tough" he put a hand on Lance's shoulder as a sign of support, hoping it would be enough. "What's their name?" 

Lance felt his cheeks turning bright red. "That's not important." 

"You don't have to tell me," Hunk told him. "That's your business. You tell me as much as you want. But I'll tell you that if they don't love you, they're a complete idiot. They're missing out on something great." 

Why did people keep telling him that? He knew it was a lie. He knew he wasn't good enough. Keith was right not to love him. 

"Please, he's not missing out on anything." Hunk looked concerned. Lance yelled at himself to just shut up instead of making Hunk listen to his stupid insecurities, but the words just kept coming. "What would he be missing? Honestly look at me" Lance gestured towards his skinny frame. "how can this be attractive? I have no muscle no matter how hard I train! And this" he ran his hands over his panicked face "no matter how many stupid beauty hacks I try my face still looks like this. I hate it! I hate it!" Lance was breathing heavily and pinching at the skin on his wrists aggressively. "And I'm so annoying and panicky and jumpy! He's so perfect and he's so fit. He has the perfect body. He shouldn't even have to look at me. Mi amor... Él es tan perfecto. Mírame! Soy tan feo. Me esfuerzo mucho! Quiero que me mire. Quiero que me ame! No es justo! No es justo!" His words had basically dissolved into sobs; not that Hunk could've understood him anyway, he was speaking much too quickly.

"Okay, okay, Lance I don't speak Spanish!" Hunk said as he frantically flipped through a Spanish dictionary. 

"Soy tan patético. Él es perfecto y asombroso y guapo y inteligente. Soy tan embarazoso y débil y feo y estúpido. Estúpido, estúpido, estúpido, estúpido, estúpido." Lance was scratching at his arm, red marks showing up almost immediately from him digging his nails into the flesh.

"Lance!" Hunk said as he tried to keep up, giving up on the dictionary and throwing it to the side. Lance kept rambling until Hunk grabbed his shoulders and shook him violently. 

"He would never love me, Hunk" Lance said as he let his tears fall. "Keith could never love me." 

Hunk's eyes widened when Lance said the name. "Keith? You're this worked up over Keith?" 

"I-I didn't say... Keith" Lance tried, but he knew he had messed up. "Look, I swear if you laugh," 

"I'm not laughing, Lance." Lance looked up to meet Hunk's eyes, seeing that he was sincere. 

"Well. Now you know. I love Keith, okay? I love him. I love Keith. So much I don't know what to do, Hunk, tell me what to do." Lance felt so vulnerable and he hated it. He wiped the tears from his eyes, willing them to stop reforming. 

"I wish I knew" Hunk sighed. They both stayed silent for a long time, eating the cookies and drinking the milk that Kaltenecker had so graciously given them. 

After a while, there was another knock at the door. Lance opened it and Pidge walked in, not bothering to wait. She sat down in front of Hunk and took a cookie from the plate. 

"What are we talking about?" 

"Take a guess" Lance said as he slumped back against his bed. Pidge looked between them, studying their faces and the mood of the room. 

"Did you tell Hunk?" Lance nodded. "So, Hunky, how are we going to cheer our boy up?" 

"I have an idea" Hunk said, smiling at the tiny Paladin. They cleaned up the cookies and left the room, Pidge jumping onto Hunk's back as they walked. 

\-----

Shiro walked onto the training deck, not surprised to see Keith in a heated battle with a robot.

"I thought I would find you here" he said as Keith swung his bayard and cut the robots head clean off. 

"I missed training. I figured I should make up for it." Keith readied himself for the next attack. 

"Right. About that," Shiro started, moving behind Keith so they were standing with their backs to each other, "care to explain?" 

"Explain what?" Keith asked, using his shield to block the attack from a robot across the room. 

"You are the most dedicated," Shiro swung his arm into the robot in front of him, knocking it back, "Paladin when it comes to training." Keith used the back of his sword to hit the enemy to his right. "So why, kick" they linked their arms together behind their backs, Shiro lifting Keith into the air as he turned so that Keith's feet met the side of a droids head. Keith laughed as he watched the head practically do a 360. "Why was today different?" Shiro finished. "End training sequence." 

"I'm not done training" Keith objected, turning just in time to see Shiro's metal arm swinging down at him. He blocked the hit with his sword, pushing Shiro back. 

"I didn't say you were" Shiro said, steadying himself. "Now talk." 

Shiro charged at Keith again, watching as Keith prepared for the attack. "There's nothing to talk about" Keith told him, jumping to the side to avoid being hit. 

"Your head is clouded." Shiro turned to plan another attack which ended with his arm being cought in Keith's free hand. 

"It's clear enough to beat you" Keith laughed. His laughter was cut short as Shiro grabbed onto the arm that held his, flipping Keith through the air. He took Keith's bayard as Keith fell to the ground, the weapon shutting off as it left it's Paladins hand. 

"You wish" Shiro chuckled, placing a foot on Keith's chest. 

Keith pushed the foot off of him, but stayed where he was on the ground. Shiro sat beside him, looking down at a disheveled and seemingly angry Keith. 

"What's going on between you and Lance?" Keith closed his eyes, ignoring the question. "I'm not going to stop asking." 

Keith let out a dramatic sigh. "There's nothing going on. We're fine." 

"That's a lie if I ever heard one." There were a few seconds of silence before Shiro spoke again. "You know you can talk to me, Keith." 

Keith sat up, looking at the ground in front of him. He drew in a deep breath, not sure what to say. "I was kind of an ass to Lance." He looked up to see Shiro's confused face. 

"What else is new?" Shiro asked. Keith chuckled sarcastically. "No, really," he continued, "no offense, but you're kind of always an ass to Lance." 

"Yeah, well..." Keith trailed off for a split second, "this time is different." 

"What, exactly, did you do?" Keith gave Shiro an unsteady look before answering. 

After explaining how he had turned Lance down, thrown him into a wall, insinuated that he could never be attracted to him, made him cry, and pinned him down by his throat after training, Keith all but shrieked as a hand connected with the side of his head. 

"Don't even complain," Shiro told him, "you know you deserved that." Keith shrugged in agreement. "Look, Keith, you know you're like a little brother to me. So remember that what I'm about to say is meant in the nicest way possible." He raised his hand again, assaulting the other side of Keith's head and gaining another scream from the boy. "You are a dumbass!" 

"None of that was remotely nice!" Keith complained, rubbing both sides of his head where he had been slapped. 

"I said as nice as possible. Not nice." 

"So why exactly am I a dumbass?" Keith grumbled. 

"Because instead of dealing with your feelings like a mature person, you're acting like a child." 

Keith's eyes widened. "What feelings? I don't have feelings" he said, defensively. Shiro raised his arm again, ready to slap some more sense into the mullet in front of him. "Okay! Okay." Keith said, putting his hands up to defend himself. "I may have... some feelings." 

"You don't say" Shiro feigned shock. 

"But I don't even understand them yet. How am I supposed to deal with something I don't even understand?" 

"What is there to understand? You like him. I've known it since you met him." Keith let himself fall back. 

"How the hell would you know? I didn't even know!" He rubbed his hands over his face. 

"I'm gay. I know things." Shiro said matter-of-factly. 

"Yeah, well I can't say that it's fair that you knew I was gay before I did." Keith's nose scrunched up as he said it. The words felt strange and foreign, but familiar at the same time. "I'm gay. Am I gay? I am, aren't I? Holy shit, I'm gay. I'm not gay! Am I?" Shiro laughed as Keith rambled on. "This isn't funny, Shiro!" 

"Actually, it kind of is." Keith groaned into his hands. "I've been there, Keith. I remember what that realization is like. I remember feeling so stupid for not realizing it sooner" he nudged Keith in the stomach, making him squirm. "This is a good thing, Keith. You're finding yourself. Be proud of that." 

"But it doesn't make sense!" Shiro almost rolled his eyes at how stubborn Keith was being. "I've been attracted to girls before. I've dated girls before. How can I be gay?" 

"Well, maybe you aren't completely gay. Or, maybe you are. You can think girls are attractive without being attracted to them. Sometimes the two get confused." Shiro was so levelheaded and calm. This surprised Keith since he felt like his mind was about to explode. 

"How do I tell the difference?" 

"Well... did you ever have sex with any of those girls?" Keith shook his head. "Did you ever want to?" Keith stayed silent, shaking his head slowly. "Do you think you could want to? Not with your exes, obviously. Just any girl in general. I've seen some beautiful ladies in my time, but the thought of being physical with them... well, let's just say theres a reason I know I'm gay." 

Keith thought for a minute. He had always thought girls were beautiful, but had he ever actually been physically attracted to them? Keith looked up at the ceiling, repeating those two words over again in his head. "I'm gay." 

Shiro let out another chuckle. "I'd say you are." 

"This is all very amusing to you, isn't it" Keith sighed. "So what do I do now?" 

"Here's a thought," Shiro said as he stood up, holding out his hand to Keith, "stop being a dumbass."

~~~~~~~~~~  
Quick Authors note: Hey guys, it's MrsMoosifer here. I was supposed to update today but I am incredibly sick (we're thinking gallbladder problems) and I have been sleeping all day. I'll do my best to get the next chapter up by Friday. Thank you for reading and I hope you're enjoying the fic! I'll be back soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations  
> Soy un idiota - I'm an idiot  
> Por qué me molesto - Why do I bother/Why do I try  
> Tan patético - so pathetic  
> Tan pesado - so annoying  
> Un momento - one moment  
> Mi amor - my love  
> Él es tan perfecto - he is so perfect  
> Mírame - look at me  
> Soy tan feo - I'm so ugly  
> Me esfuerzo mucho - I try so hard  
> Quiero que me mire - I want him to look at me  
> Quiero que me ame - I want him to love me  
> No es justo - it's not fair  
> Asombroso - amazing  
> Guapo - handsome  
> Inteligente - smart  
> Embarazoso - embarrassing  
> Débil - weak


	5. Team Punk and the Space Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk and Pidge try to set Klance in motion. Allura doesn't like the idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just giving up on my schedule at this point. I'm sick too often to stick to it, lol. Here's the next chapter! Hope you enjoy!

Lance strolled off to the kitchen, saying that he needed ice for his eyes before they started to get red and puffy. Hunk had made some small remark about his beauty routines and Pidge chimed in that at least they were working for him. As soon as Lance was out of sight, Pidge dropped from Hunks back and slumped against the wall in front of him. 

"What are we going to do about this, Hunky?" Hunk looked at her confused, silently questioning her. She lowered her voice to a whisper. Her voice was quiet but her tone was urgent. "About Keith and Lance! We have to get them together!" 

"We do?" Hunk (being the precious baby that he is) was still confused. "Lance said Keith didn't like him." 

"Oh, please, you can't tell me you don't see the chemistry between them. When those two are in a room together, the sexual tension is so dense I could cut it with a knife!" They both laughed, looking around to make sure no one could hear them. "The feelings are mutual. I just know it." The sneaky little Pidgeon was sure to not mention her talk with Keith; she didn't want to let any more secrets slip out. 

"You really think we should set them up?" Hunk looked nervous. Lance was his best friend and he wanted him to be happy, but he wasn't sure if forcing the two together was a good idea. 

"Of course!" Hunk had to shush Pidge to remind her that they were trying to be secretive. "Of course. They belong together. They're perfect for each other. They're two halves of a whole idiot. They just need our help to see it." 

"I just don't know if this is what Keith wants. I don't want to risk Lance getting rejected again. You saw how hurt he was." Hunk shuffled his feet, feeling slightly awkward. 

Pidge grabbed his hand, looking into his eyes. "Hunk, trust me on this, okay?" He smiled at her and nodded. "So, what do we do?" 

"Well..." Hunk paused, thinking. He had to make sure the plan was fool proof. "I was planning on taking Lance to a fair a few solar systems away. Ferris wheels, roller coasters, haunted houses, tunnels of love. A lot of places to get pretty close to someone. We could just casually invite Keith?" 

"That's genius!" Pidge shouted, having to remind herself to quite down. "We can't make it suspicious, though." 

"So let's invite everyone. Then just force Keith and Lance together on all of the rides." Hunk was quickly opening up to their idea.

"Good idea. We'll get everyone in on it. As long as Shiro sticks with Matt and Allura stays with Coran, they won't have a choice!" 

"They'll have to spend time together" Hunk added, smiling. 

"And talk to each other." Pidge started jumping up and down.

"And then they'll admit their feelings and live happily ever after!" 

"Shh!" 

"Oh, right. Sorry. Love makes me excited." Hunk was blushing and Pidge laughed, pulling his arm so that he was leaning down to meet her face-to-face. 

"I know. That's why I ~love~ you." She pecked his lips and they both laughed. 

"You two are gross" Lance laughed as he walked around the corner. He was rubbing a piece of ice under his eyes. 

Pidge let go of Hunk's hand, jumping onto his back again. "You're one to talk, Loverboy. Are you ready?" 

"Ready for what, exactly?" 

"Nope! No, no, no. That's a surprise." Lance groaned at Hunk, who smiled back. 

"We have to uh... take care of some things first" Pidge added, awkwardly. Lance raised an eyebrow. "Don't worry about it! We'll see you in a few!" 

Hunk and Pidge ran off to invite the rest of the group, laughing to themselves about playing matchmaker. 

\-----

"Hey, Allura!" Hunk ran up to the princess. Pidge had gone to find Shiro and Matt to let them in on the plan. "We need your help with something." 

"Is something wrong?" 

"No, not at all! Pidge and I just need a favor. We're all going to a fair to hang out and have some fun. We need you to stick with Coran. We want Keith and Lance to spend some, uh... quality time together." Hunk winked at her, hoping she would get what he was saying. She didn't. 

"I'm not sure what you mean by 'quality time.' Is there something wrong between Keith and Lance? Are they fighting again?" 

Hunk shook his head. "No, they're fine. More than fine. We think," he paused to make sure they were alone, "we think they like each other. In a romantical way. We're trying to get set them up." 

"Set them up?" Allura was still confused on most human terminology. 

"You know, like get them to date. We think if we can get them alone enough then they'll admit their feelings for each other." 

"Who has feelings for each other?" Coran had entered the room unnoticed.

"Apparently Keith and Lance" Allura told him through gritted teeth. Hunk raised an eyebrow at her and she smiled. He brushed it off and explained the plan to Coran. 

"Oh, I just love young love!" Coran was dancing around the room, making Hunk laugh. 

"Yes. Isn't it wonderful." Allura's tone was short and it worried Hunk. They all agreed on a time to go to the fair and headed off to their rooms to get ready. 

\---

"Help Keith and Lance admit their feelings." Allura was grumbling to herself as she walked to her room. She hadn't told anyone, other than the mice of course, but she had feelings for Lance. She may have turned him down before, but things had changed. 

She couldn't even imagine helping Lance 'get together' with someone else. She wouldn't help Lance date someone else. She wanted him to herself, and she wasn't going to let Keith stand in the way. 

\-----

The lights flashing around them were giving Keith a headache. Yet another reason to not want to be at the fair. 

He had been excited enough when they arrived, but there were a lot of things that could easily ruin his mood. A beautiful girl constantly flirting with the guy Keith just learned he had serious feelings for was definitely one of them. 

From the moment they arrived at the fair, Allura had been all over Lance. She would laugh at all of his worst jokes, link arms with him while they walked, and she even rode with Lance on every ride. Even when Coran insisted that she should ride with him. Even when -everyone- insisted that she should ride with Coran. Keith would have found it odd, everyone trying to get Allura away from Lance, if he wasn't so aggravated by Allura being around Lance. 

To put it lightly, Keith was pissed. And to make things worse, Lance didn't even seem to care. He hadn't said a word to Keith since running off in the hall. Not that Keith blamed him: he had been kind of a dick. Still, every time Lance avoided looking him in the eyes or pretended not to hear Keith ask a question, it was like throwing gasoline on a fire. By the time they got to the last ride, Keith was livid. 

"Oh, we haven't been on the ferris wheel!" Allura chirped as they passed it. Her voice alone was almost enough for Keith to want to punch something. 

"That's right!" Pidge called out, grabbing on to Lance's arm and pulling him away from Allura. "And I think Lance should ride with Keith." 

"Um, why?" Lance question. 

"Because- because uhhh Shiro had a reason! Right Shiro?" 

Shiro blinked at her, taken off guard. "R-right. Right" he said, scratching his head. "I just figured since you two seemed to be having trouble getting along, it might be a nice bonding moment." 

"Nice one" Matt whispered next to him, burying his face is Shiro's shoulder and placing a small kiss. 

"Shut up" Shiro blushed, lightly elbowing him in the side. 

"Sounds like a blast" Lance said sarcastically. Allura glared at Pidge and then at Keith. Keith felt a childish urge to stick his tongue out at her, but he decides against it. 

They got in line for the ferris wheel, Keith and Lance at the back of the group. They didn't say a word to each other until they were halfway in the air. 

"You seem like you've been having fun with Allura" Keith said, trying to get Lance to meet his eyes. 

"Yeah, she's fun to hang out with" Lance mumbled, careful not to add how he would much rather be spending his time with Keith.

Keith gritted his teeth, scooting as far away from Lance as possible in the small seat. "That's great" he responded, putting as much sarcasm into the word 'great' as possible. 

They didn't say another word the rest of the ride. 

"How was the ride?" Pidge asked expectantly when they got to the bottom.

"Fine" Keith said, walking away, "can we go now?"

Pidge and Hunk looked at each other, worried, before sighing as they both looked at Lance's defeated expression. The group left the fair in silence.


	6. Big Oof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING! VERY BIG TRIGGER WARNING! I decided to take this book in a very depressing direction. This chapter mentions mild self-harm, thoughts of suicide, and a suicide attempt. PLEASE if any of this gets to you DO NOT read this chapter. 
> 
> So. I wanted some angst. And I think I got it. I hope you guys enjoy depresso Lance, because that's what this chapter is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, TRIGGER WARNING! Mild self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and a suicide attempt. PROCEED WITH CAUTION! 
> 
> Sorry this chapter took so long. I've been super busy and sick. Not a fun combo. But I really appreciate anyone who is still reading and I hope you guys enjoy!

As they made their way back everyone seemed to group off. Allura had stormed off angrily to walk with Coran, Hunk was giving Pidge a piggyback ride as she giggled at something he said, Matt and Shiro were in their own world, and Keith and Lance lagged behind. They weren't walking together by any means they just happened to be the only two left. Keith fuming about Allura, and Lance sulking at getting no attention from the person he wanted it from. Their thoughts distracted them causing them to lag so far behind the others, Keith and Lance ended up being the only two left in the hanger. 

Lance attempted to go through the door but before he could even open it, Keith grabbed his wrist, yanking him back a bit too forcefully. Lance winced and grabbed his wrist tenderly once Keith let go. 

"Why-"

"You know Allura doesn't really want you, right?" Lance spluttered, his own breath choking him. 

"I don't-"

"No matter what you do, no matter how much you do for her, you're only going to be a second option for her. A second play thing. She's just bored and you're the only one dumb enough to give her what she wants." Keith was seething, anger pouring out of him. Lance averted his eyes. This is just how it was. Lance was never the first choice and he knew that. 

"I know that." Lance's voice was small. Keith paused at that. 

"Then why-"

"I just wanted to pretend. Just for a little while. That someone could actually care about me the way I care about.... It doesn't matter. I'll stay away from her, dude. I'm sorry." Lance spoke so quietly, so defeated. Almost like the last strand of his hope had broken. He opened the door and went through. Keith stood frozen, staring after Lance even as the door closed in his face. 

"Shit." Keith rubbed his hands over his face, screaming into them. He fucked up and he knew it. He went inside to find Lance. 

\--- 

Lance made his way to the lounge, finding Hunk and Pidge on the couch playing with a deck of cards. "Hey, you" Pidge said, not looking up. Lance mumbled a 'hey' before sitting on the other couch. He sat in silence for a while, listening to Hunk and Pidge's random comments as they played some made-up card game. After a few minutes, Keith walked in, catching Lance's eye immediately. 

"Lance, thank Voltron, listen-" 

"I think you've said enough" Lance told him, standing up and shoving past him to the door. "Oh, Quiznack!" He tripped over his shoelace, which he hadn't noticed was untied. He felt the heat rush to his face. 

"Smooth move" Hunk laughed. Lance turned around to see Pidge practically rolling with laughter. Even Keith was fighting a smile. 

"Walk much?" Shiro said. Lance hadn't even seen him come through the door. Lance looked down at the floor, feeling the tears starting to sting in the corners of his eyes. "I just wanted to remind you all to be at training tomorrow," he looked directly at Keith, "and to be focused." Lance looked up at him, fighting back the tears. Shiro looked him in the eyes. "We all know we need it." 

Lance followed Shiro out of the room, tying his shoe when he got through the door. He called after Shiro, who turned around. "About training today. I'm sorry. I was just-" 

"No excuses, Lance. Just do better tomorrow." He walked off without another word. Lance clenched his fists, letting his tears fall. 

He knew he had screwed up at training. Just like he screwed up with Keith. Just like he screwed everything up. He couldn't even walk without messing it up. He dropped to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest. "I'm such a failure" he sobbed into his knees, digging his nails into the skin on his legs. He heard a door open down the hall. He couldn't let anyone see him like that. He jumped up and ran as fast as he could, not sure where he was running to. He found himself hiding in his lion, crying into his jacket, which he had laid on the floor to use as a pillow. Everyones words were bouncing around his head. Everyone was so fed up with him and he could tell. All of their sarcastic comments, Keith telling him he was just a 'second choice' and that he was stupid for even trying, Shiro with his comments about Lance needing more training. It was all too much. He had let them all down. 

He pulled at his hair, trying to get the noise to stop, but he couldn't drown out the thoughts. All of it was true, of course. He knew Allura didn't really want him, not that he would care if she did. She just wanted to use him. He was her second choice. No, he wasn't even that. He was just her last option. And he wasn't even an option to Keith. He was never anyones first choice. Never the one anyone would choose or even should choose for that matter. He was a disaster in every way possible. He was better off dead. 

He froze at the thought. Was it true? Was he really better off... Everyone else would certainly be better off. They wouldn't have to deal with him any more. He wouldn't mess up their training. He wouldn't get in the way during battles. He wouldn't be able to let them down any more. Maybe it would be for the best. 

He sat up and shook his head violently. He couldn't possibly be thinking about that. He couldn't. People would miss him, people would... would they? Did anyone really need him around? All he did was fuck things up and try to play it off like he wasn't a total mess. Everyone knew what he really was; a giant disappointment. They would be happy to be rid of him. They would all be happier without him. That was what he wanted, wasn't it? For all of them to be happy? Even if it meant taking himself out of the picture. 

He had thought about it before. He had known for a while that he was nothing but a failure and a disgrace. Somehow he had convinced himself that it wasn't true and that he should stick around. Obviously he was wrong. He stood up, wiping away his tears and plopping down in his seat that wouldn't be his much longer. They would find Blue and, by the time they did, Lance would be long gone and it would all be for the better. 

\--- 

Keith looked everywhere in the castle, but he couldn't find Lance. He was starting to get panicky. The last place he could think to look was with Blue. He knew Lance always found comfort in his lion. As soon as he spotted Blue, she took off, Lance obviously flying her. Keith raced back to the lounge where Hunk and Pidge were still playing cards. 

"Lance is gone." No one seemed too worried at first. 

"What do you mean 'gone'?" Pidge asked, placing down another card. 

"I mean he's gone. He took Blue and he left. Did he tell either of you where he was going?" They both shook their heads, starting to look more concerned. "Shit, shit, SHIT!" 

"Calm down, dude" Hunk said, standing from his place on the floor. "I'm sure he's fine. Probably just going back to the fair or something." 

"No, you don't understand. I said some things I shouldn't have-" 

"What else is knew?" 

"Not funny, Pidge. I said some pretty hurtful shit, okay. I didn't mean it that way, but I'm pretty sure that's how he took it and now he's gone and you guys didn't see his face he looked so broken and it's all my fault and we have to find him. Please help me find him." Keith's breathing was getting too fast and for once he was showing some actual feelings. If Lance got hurt because of him, he would never be able to live with himself. 

"What, exactly," Pidge started through gritted teeth, "did you say?" 

Keith shuffled his feet, lowering his head. "I told him Allura was using him. And that he would always be her second choice. And that he was dumb for letting her use him...." He waited for Pidge to smack him again, and when she didn't he looked up to see Hunk holding her back. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you, you narcissistic, idiotic, piece of shit?! Do you realize what you did?! This is all your fault, you son of a bitch! Hunk, let me go!" Keith backed away from the angry Paladin, worried she might actually break Hunks arms to get free. "Keith, if he is hurt, I swear I will rip out my lungs and use them to smack you in the actual liver!" 

"Okay" Hunk said, patting Pidge on the head, "Keith I think you should go get Shiro and I will take Pidge to get our lions ready." Keith nodded and Hunk left the room, carrying a still screaming Pidge over his shoulder. 

Keith ran to Shiro's room, knocking repeatedly until Shiro opened the door. "I was a dumbass again." 

He explained what happened and ran off to his lion, Shiro and Matt right behind him. Shiro broke away to tell Allura and Coran what was going on. Soon they were all in their lions, Pidge shouting instructions like she had become the leader. Everyone knew better than to argue with an angry Pidge. 

"I traced Blue to Olkarion, but that doesn't mean Lance is with her. The second we land, we split up. If anyone finds him, you tell the others immediately, understand?" Everyone mumbled agreements. "Let's bring Lance home."

\--- 

Lance sat on a rooftop, looking down at the streets below. Anyone moving below looked smaller than ants from where he was. The music coming from his headphones cut out any noise around him. He let his feet sway over the edge. Strangely enough, he felt calmer than he had in Voltron knows how long. 

He had left Blue a few buildings away. He didn't want her to see what he was about to do. 

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, staring at the ground below him. All he knew was that by the time he stood up, he was sure of his choice. He had fought with himself since the thought came to him, but in the end he knew he was right. 

He stood right on the edge, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He wondered if it would be his last. 

With his eyes still closed tightly, he let one foot fall over the edge.


	7. What The Hell, Lance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Lance's mental breakdown and attempted suicide (because for some reason this fic got hella depressing I'm so sorry but I'm not) Keith finally confronts his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why this got so depressing??? I'm sorry??? I think I made it better??? 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of a suicide attempt as well as some self-depricating talk. 
> 
> Okay so when I'm writing I'll put my random thoughts in parentheses. Usually I take them out but I decided not to, so enjoy!

Lance started falling backwards. Wait... backwards? That wasn't right. He opened his eyes, suddenly aware of the hand around his wrist, to see that he was being pulled away from the ledge. He turned around to have someone slam into his chest and he looked down to see a mess of brown hair. Pidge had her face buried in his chest, arms practically crushing him as she shook violently from crying. He took his headphones out slowly, putting them in his pocket. 

"What the HELL, Lance" she shouted into his shirt. He didn't respond. Pidge pulled away, glasses askew and tears still running down her cheeks. "What the hell were you thinking?" 

"I'm sorry" was all he said. Pidge looked up at the (tall ass twink boi) man she had come to know as a brother. Except, he wasn't there. The Lance she knew was nowhere to he found. In his place was a brokenhearted, defeated, helpless piece of his former self. She grabbed his hand, silently begging him to talk to her. "I-I just" tears started to fall as he spoke, "I thought." He dropped to his knees in front of her, hiding his head in his hands. He didn't want to see that look in her eyes. He didn't want to see how much he had let her down again. 

"Lance," he heard the way her voice cracked and could swear he felt his heart stop at the sound, "please talk to me." 

He fell forward, practically bowing at her feet. "I'm so sorry, Pidge. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry I let you down again, I'm sorry I keep messing up, I'm sorry I'm not good enough, I'm sorry that you all deserve so much better than me, I'm sorry... I'm sorry I didn't jump sooner." He sobbed as he said the words. Pidge crashed down on him, crushing him in another hug. 

After a minute, the rest of the team joined them. Pidge had radioed to tell them where he was the second she saw Lance, frantically saying that he was going to jump.

"Lance..." Hunk said quietly. He was already crying. Lance looked up for a split second, hiding his face back in Pidge's shoulder to avoid their eyes. Almost everyone ran up to them, joining in the hug. No one spoke for the longest time, everyone crying and hugging on the rooftop. Everyone except Keith, who stood off to the side, silent tears falling down his face. 

It was Shiro who spoke first. Everyone had pulled away from the hug except for Pidge, who was still clinging tightly to Lance's stomach. "Lance, what happened?" It was really all he could think to say. He didn't understand what was going through the blue Paladins head.

"I-I just... I thought it would be for the best." 

"Why would you think that?" Hunk asked through his tears. 

"I d-don't know, I j-just did. I thought you were all fed up with me. I thought you were tired of me messing everything up and being such an embarrassment all the time and being so fucking annoying. I thought, I-I thought-"

"Hey, hey, hey" Pidge cut him off, rubbing his back. "Maybe we can save the questions for later, guys?" Everyone agreed.

"We should get going" Shiro told them. Everyone stood up, giving Lance another hug before heading back to their lions. 

Pidge stayed by Lance's side, immediately going on the defensive when Keith finally spoke. "Can we have a minute, Pidge? Please?" 

"What are you going to do? Throw him off?" Keith flinched at the question. "Do you really think I'm going to leave you alone with him? This is all your fault, Keith!"

"Pidge" Lance said quietly, his voice hoarse from crying. "Please. Give us a minute." 

She searched his eyes, making sure he meant it, then nodded and walked towards Keith. "If you say anything stupid or hurt him in any way," she stood on her toes to get as close to his face as possible, "you will not live to see tomorrow." She walked away, leaving Keith terrified. (For real, she's a scary little pidgeon.)

It took a minute for Keith to speak up. "Lance, I'm so sorry." Lance hugged himself tightly and shrugged. He started to say it was fine before Keith cut him off. "It's not fine. None of this is fine! Not what I said, not how you took it, not how you were going to come out here and take your own life and what? Not even leave so much as a note?! Did you even think about any of us?"

"I was thinking about all of you!" Lance's broken demeanor was replaced with a defensive one. "I was thinking about the team! I was thinking about what was best for everyone! I was thinking about what was best for you, all I think about is you!" He froze when he said the last part, immediately going back to his anxious stance. 

Keith couldn't help himself. He didn't know what he was feeling. Confusion? Fear? Sadness? He didn't know. But he knew that it made him angry. "How the hell would that have benefited any of us?! How would you dying be for the best?!" Lance stuttered before going quiet again. "No, tell me! What the fuck was going through your mind." 

"YOU!" Lance screamed back. When he spoke again his voice was softer. "You. You were going through my mind, okay? Everything I do is for you. And everything I do fails" he sobbed over the last word. "I try so hard. At everything. I give it everything I have and it is never enough. Not with training, not with fighting... not with you. It's never enough. I'm never enough." Keith started to cry again, hot tears stinging his eyes. "I just wanted to... I thought you would all be better off if I was gone. You wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. You wouldn't have to hear my stupid jokes. You wouldn't have to see me flirt with Allura. You wouldn't have to listen to me or deal with me or ever see me again and I thought... I thought you would have wanted that. I thought you didn't care... why do you care?" 

Keith blinked dumbly at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean why do you care? I'm not anything special. Nothing would have changed if..." he trailed off. "Why do you care?" He didn't wait for an answer. He started walking past Keith, going to the rest of the group. 

The hand around his wrist took him back to when Keith had grabbed him in the hanger. This time when he was pulled back, though, he was turned around and met with Keith's lips on his. He almost pushed away befote he realized what was happening. Keith - Keith Kogane; the red Paladin; the one Lance had been pining over for longer than he knew - was kissing him. He sunk into the kiss, balling his free hand in Keith's shirt and pulling him closer. Keith's hand still held tightly to Lance's wrist, his other hand going to tangle itself in Lance's hair. 

After a few minutes, they broke away; both of them breathless and a disheveled mess from the intensity of the kiss. "Please, don't ever think I don't care about you" Keith said. "I love you, Lance." The words took Keith by surprise, but he knew he meant it. Lance smiled, hugging Keith tightly. 

"I love you too." Keith kissed the top of his head, pulling him even closer. 

"You were really going to do it, weren't you?" Lance nodded his head. "I'm so sorry, Lance." Lance nuzzled his head further into Keith's chest. "I was confused. By my feelings for you and yours for me. By all of it. I don't do well with being confused. (Which is weird since he is confused 99.9% of the time, you'd think he would be used to it.) And then when I saw how Allura flirted with you... I got so jealous. I swear I was actually seeing green. I took it out on you and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. For whatever I made you feel. I am so, so sorry. I know that can't take it back, but..." he pulled Lance's face up to meet his eyes, "Lance... you have always been and will always be enough. Especially for me. I don't even deserve you. You are everything I could never be. I love you." He didn't give Lance time to reply. He pulled him in for another kiss, nearly bruising Lance's lips from the force of it. 

Bu the time they pulled back for air, Hunk and Pidge had come to look for them. They both started cheering when they saw the two kissing, but Keith and Lance were too lost in each other to realize. 

"You're cute when you show emotion" Lance told Keith. Keith replied with a 'shut up' and another peck on the lips. "I'm serious. I like this side of you." 

"The side that doesn't make you want to kill yourself?" Keith smirked. "Too soon?" (Yeah, Dean, I'm pretty sure six seconds is too soon.) This time, Keith was the one told to shut before being met with a kiss. Eventually, they traveled back to their lions, holding hands and walking closer than what was logical or practical. 

No one asked Lance any more questions. Keith promised to fill them in later on and they dropped the conversation, not wanting to upset Lance. Coran and Allura rode back to the castle with Lance, no one wanting to leave him alone. When they made it back, Keith walked with Lance to his room. Lance stuttered out something Keith couldn't quite understand. He raised an eyebrow at him and Lance closed his eyes and took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts. "Will you stay with me tonight?" 

"Lance, I don't... I'm not sure-" 

"Not like that," Lance laughed. "I just... don't want to be alone." Keith nodded, kissing Lance on the forehead. 

"Let me go let everyone know you're okay. I'll be back soon. I promise." They shared another kiss before Keith walked off. Lance went into his room, throwing himself on his bed. 

\---

"What do you think they're doing in there?" Hunk asked Pidge, wiggling his eyebrows. 

"You're such a perv" she laughed at him. They were laying next to each other on the floor of the lounge, waiting for news on Lance.

"We aren't doing what you think we're doing" Keith said as he walked into the lounge. The other two sat up, looking at him expectantly. "You were right, Pidge. It was mainly my fault. And I'm sorry. I already apologized to Lance, but... I almost tore the team apart. I'm sorry." 

Pidge nodded at him, giving him a small smile. "Apology accepted. But-" 

"I know, I know" Keith laughed. "If I hurt Lance again you'll kill me." 

"Oh no. I'll make you wish you were dead." Keith held up his hands defensively. 

"Will you guys let everyone else know he's okay? Lance wants me to stay with him tonight, and I don't really want to leave him alone." They nodded and said their good nights. 

\---

When Keith walked back into the room, he was in pajama pants that hung just a bit too low on his hips and a shirt that was a few sizes too big. Lance smiled at him, patting the spot next to him on the bed. Keith climbed under the covers with him, pulling him close. They didn't talk. They just laid there in each other's arms, enjoying the closeness. Keith didn't know how long they had been there, but before he knew it Lance was snoring into his chest. He kissed the top of Lance's head before closing his eyes and letting sleep take him.


	8. What The Hell, Lance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Lance's mental breakdown and attempted suicide (because for some reason this fic got hella depressing I'm so sorry but I'm not) Keith finally confronts his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why this got so depressing??? I'm sorry??? I think I made it better??? 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of a suicide attempt as well as some self-depricating talk. 
> 
> Okay so when I'm writing I'll put my random thoughts in parentheses. Usually I take them out but I decided not to, so enjoy!

Lance started falling backwards. Wait... backwards? That wasn't right. He opened his eyes, suddenly aware of the hand around his wrist, to see that he was being pulled away from the ledge. He turned around to have someone slam into his chest and he looked down to see a mess of brown hair. Pidge had her face buried in his chest, arms practically crushing him as she shook violently from crying. He took his headphones out slowly, putting them in his pocket. 

"What the HELL, Lance" she shouted into his shirt. He didn't respond. Pidge pulled away, glasses askew and tears still running down her cheeks. "What the hell were you thinking?" 

"I'm sorry" was all he said. Pidge looked up at the (tall ass twink boi) man she had come to know as a brother. Except, he wasn't there. The Lance she knew was nowhere to he found. In his place was a brokenhearted, defeated, helpless piece of his former self. She grabbed his hand, silently begging him to talk to her. "I-I just" tears started to fall as he spoke, "I thought." He dropped to his knees in front of her, hiding his head in his hands. He didn't want to see that look in her eyes. He didn't want to see how much he had let her down again. 

"Lance," he heard the way her voice cracked and could swear he felt his heart stop at the sound, "please talk to me." 

He fell forward, practically bowing at her feet. "I'm so sorry, Pidge. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry I let you down again, I'm sorry I keep messing up, I'm sorry I'm not good enough, I'm sorry that you all deserve so much better than me, I'm sorry... I'm sorry I didn't jump sooner." He sobbed as he said the words. Pidge crashed down on him, crushing him in another hug. 

After a minute, the rest of the team joined them. Pidge had radioed to tell them where he was the second she saw Lance, frantically saying that he was going to jump.

"Lance..." Hunk said quietly. He was already crying. Lance looked up for a split second, hiding his face back in Pidge's shoulder to avoid their eyes. Almost everyone ran up to them, joining in the hug. No one spoke for the longest time, everyone crying and hugging on the rooftop. Everyone except Keith, who stood off to the side, silent tears falling down his face. 

It was Shiro who spoke first. Everyone had pulled away from the hug except for Pidge, who was still clinging tightly to Lance's stomach. "Lance, what happened?" It was really all he could think to say. He didn't understand what was going through the blue Paladins head.

"I-I just... I thought it would be for the best." 

"Why would you think that?" Hunk asked through his tears. 

"I d-don't know, I j-just did. I thought you were all fed up with me. I thought you were tired of me messing everything up and being such an embarrassment all the time and being so fucking annoying. I thought, I-I thought-"

"Hey, hey, hey" Pidge cut him off, rubbing his back. "Maybe we can save the questions for later, guys?" Everyone agreed.

"We should get going" Shiro told them. Everyone stood up, giving Lance another hug before heading back to their lions. 

Pidge stayed by Lance's side, immediately going on the defensive when Keith finally spoke. "Can we have a minute, Pidge? Please?" 

"What are you going to do? Throw him off?" Keith flinched at the question. "Do you really think I'm going to leave you alone with him? This is all your fault, Keith!"

"Pidge" Lance said quietly, his voice hoarse from crying. "Please. Give us a minute." 

She searched his eyes, making sure he meant it, then nodded and walked towards Keith. "If you say anything stupid or hurt him in any way," she stood on her toes to get as close to his face as possible, "you will not live to see tomorrow." She walked away, leaving Keith terrified. (For real, she's a scary little pidgeon.)

It took a minute for Keith to speak up. "Lance, I'm so sorry." Lance hugged himself tightly and shrugged. He started to say it was fine before Keith cut him off. "It's not fine. None of this is fine! Not what I said, not how you took it, not how you were going to come out here and take your own life and what? Not even leave so much as a note?! Did you even think about any of us?"

"I was thinking about all of you!" Lance's broken demeanor was replaced with a defensive one. "I was thinking about the team! I was thinking about what was best for everyone! I was thinking about what was best for you, all I think about is you!" He froze when he said the last part, immediately going back to his anxious stance. 

Keith couldn't help himself. He didn't know what he was feeling. Confusion? Fear? Sadness? He didn't know. But he knew that it made him angry. "How the hell would that have benefited any of us?! How would you dying be for the best?!" Lance stuttered before going quiet again. "No, tell me! What the fuck was going through your mind." 

"YOU!" Lance screamed back. When he spoke again his voice was softer. "You. You were going through my mind, okay? Everything I do is for you. And everything I do fails" he sobbed over the last word. "I try so hard. At everything. I give it everything I have and it is never enough. Not with training, not with fighting... not with you. It's never enough. I'm never enough." Keith started to cry again, hot tears stinging his eyes. "I just wanted to... I thought you would all be better off if I was gone. You wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. You wouldn't have to hear my stupid jokes. You wouldn't have to see me flirt with Allura. You wouldn't have to listen to me or deal with me or ever see me again and I thought... I thought you would have wanted that. I thought you didn't care... why do you care?" 

Keith blinked dumbly at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean why do you care? I'm not anything special. Nothing would have changed if..." he trailed off. "Why do you care?" He didn't wait for an answer. He started walking past Keith, going to the rest of the group. 

The hand around his wrist took him back to when Keith had grabbed him in the hanger. This time when he was pulled back, though, he was turned around and met with Keith's lips on his. He almost pushed away befote he realized what was happening. Keith - Keith Kogane; the red Paladin; the one Lance had been pining over for longer than he knew - was kissing him. He sunk into the kiss, balling his free hand in Keith's shirt and pulling him closer. Keith's hand still held tightly to Lance's wrist, his other hand going to tangle itself in Lance's hair. 

After a few minutes, they broke away; both of them breathless and a disheveled mess from the intensity of the kiss. "Please, don't ever think I don't care about you" Keith said. "I love you, Lance." The words took Keith by surprise, but he knew he meant it. Lance smiled, hugging Keith tightly. 

"I love you too." Keith kissed the top of his head, pulling him even closer. 

"You were really going to do it, weren't you?" Lance nodded his head. "I'm so sorry, Lance." Lance nuzzled his head further into Keith's chest. "I was confused. By my feelings for you and yours for me. By all of it. I don't do well with being confused. (Which is weird since he is confused 99.9% of the time, you'd think he would be used to it.) And then when I saw how Allura flirted with you... I got so jealous. I swear I was actually seeing green. I took it out on you and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. For whatever I made you feel. I am so, so sorry. I know that can't take it back, but..." he pulled Lance's face up to meet his eyes, "Lance... you have always been and will always be enough. Especially for me. I don't even deserve you. You are everything I could never be. I love you." He didn't give Lance time to reply. He pulled him in for another kiss, nearly bruising Lance's lips from the force of it. 

Bu the time they pulled back for air, Hunk and Pidge had come to look for them. They both started cheering when they saw the two kissing, but Keith and Lance were too lost in each other to realize. 

"You're cute when you show emotion" Lance told Keith. Keith replied with a 'shut up' and another peck on the lips. "I'm serious. I like this side of you." 

"The side that doesn't make you want to kill yourself?" Keith smirked. "Too soon?" (Yeah, Dean, I'm pretty sure six seconds is too soon.) This time, Keith was the one told to shut before being met with a kiss. Eventually, they traveled back to their lions, holding hands and walking closer than what was logical or practical. 

No one asked Lance any more questions. Keith promised to fill them in later on and they dropped the conversation, not wanting to upset Lance. Coran and Allura rode back to the castle with Lance, no one wanting to leave him alone. When they made it back, Keith walked with Lance to his room. Lance stuttered out something Keith couldn't quite understand. He raised an eyebrow at him and Lance closed his eyes and took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts. "Will you stay with me tonight?" 

"Lance, I don't... I'm not sure-" 

"Not like that," Lance laughed. "I just... don't want to be alone." Keith nodded, kissing Lance on the forehead. 

"Let me go let everyone know you're okay. I'll be back soon. I promise." They shared another kiss before Keith walked off. Lance went into his room, throwing himself on his bed. 

\---

"What do you think they're doing in there?" Hunk asked Pidge, wiggling his eyebrows. 

"You're such a perv" she laughed at him. They were laying next to each other on the floor of the lounge, waiting for news on Lance.

"We aren't doing what you think we're doing" Keith said as he walked into the lounge. The other two sat up, looking at him expectantly. "You were right, Pidge. It was mainly my fault. And I'm sorry. I already apologized to Lance, but... I almost tore the team apart. I'm sorry." 

Pidge nodded at him, giving him a small smile. "Apology accepted. But-" 

"I know, I know" Keith laughed. "If I hurt Lance again you'll kill me." 

"Oh no. I'll make you wish you were dead." Keith held up his hands defensively. 

"Will you guys let everyone else know he's okay? Lance wants me to stay with him tonight, and I don't really want to leave him alone." They nodded and said their good nights. 

\---

When Keith walked back into the room, he was in pajama pants that hung just a bit too low on his hips and a shirt that was a few sizes too big. Lance smiled at him, patting the spot next to him on the bed. Keith climbed under the covers with him, pulling him close. They didn't talk. They just laid there in each other's arms, enjoying the closeness. Keith didn't know how long they had been there, but before he knew it Lance was snoring into his chest. He kissed the top of Lance's head before closing his eyes and letting sleep take him.


	9. You Can't Shrug Away Trying To Kill Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance share kisses and feelings.

Keith woke up in the dark of Lance's room, his eyes adjusting quickly. He looked over at the sleeping form beside him. Lance had rolled towards the wall, curling into himself. He was still snoring away. Keith rolled towards him and pulled him closer to him, leaving his arm draped over his side. He didn't know how, but he had managed to miss the fact that Lance was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. Keith pulled his arm away, his breath catching in his throat. 

"See something you like?" The question startled Keith. He hadn't noticed that Lance's snoring had stopped. "You can put your arm back. I don't mind." His voice was still hoarse from crying so much the day before. 

"So you, uh" Keith started, clearing his throat, "you don't wear... clothes... to sleep then?" 

"What are you talking about? I'm wearing clothes" Lance giggled, wiggling back further into Keith's arms. Keith grumbled about how Lance 'knew what he meant.' "I don't like pajamas. They cling weird and I can't get comfy. You're lucky I'm wearing anything at all." Keith nearly stopped breathing. "Hey," Lance said, rolling to face Keith, "thank you. For staying with me. It... it means a lot." 

Keith smiled down at him. "Of course." He went to kiss Lance's head, but Lance stopped him, pulling him down to kiss his lips. The kiss was soft, not with the bruising force of the ones the day before, but it was perfect. They moved together in harmony, hands exploring each other. 

Lance sighed into the kiss, blissfully content... Until Keith pulled away. Lance whined and grabbed at his shirt, but Keith just shook his head. 

"Lance... We need to talk about yesterday." No matter how much Keith hated talking about feelings and things of the sort, they couldn't just ignore what had happened.

"Hmmm, do we?" Keith nodded and Lance let out a defeated sigh. "Fine. What do you want to know?" 

"Maybe start with what the actual FUCK were you thinking?" Lance seemed offended at the question, but shrugged his shoulders, trying to kiss Keith again. "You can't just shrug away trying to kill yourself, Lance." 

Lance whined into Keith's shoulder, but finally pulled away and started explaining. "I guess it all started on the day of my actual birth. Both of my parents failed to show up-" 

"Lance?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Take this seriously, please." 

"Fiiiiiine. I don't really know what you want me to say. Im depressed? Is that really so surprising?" Lance rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. 

"Kind of" Keith said, surprising Lance. "You hide it pretty well I guess. Why didn't you talk to any of us?" 

"Are you kidding me?" Lance mumbled into the pillow befor looking at Keith. "Up until yesterday I was pretty sure that all but two of you hated me. And I didn't want to bother Hunk and Pidge with my pathetic problems." Keith ran a hand through Lance's hair before cupping his cheek. 

"Your problems are not pathetic Lance." Lance leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. 

"I feel like they are. I feel like I'm..." He trailed off, focusing on the hand on his cheek. 

"Like what, Lance?" Lance shook his head. "Like you... are pathetic?" Keith watched the tears form in Lance's eyes, falling quickly down his cheeks. 

"Can we just go back to kissing and ignoring all of this, please?" He wiped frantically at his eyes before Keith's hand grabbed his.

"No, Lance. We have to do this. I have to make sure you're okay." 

"Obviously I'm not, Keith!" Lance screamed, his voice cracking as more tears fell. "I'm not okay and I haven't been for a long time and there's nothing you can do to change that so can we please just drop it?!" 

Keith pulled Lance closer to his chest, running one hand over his back while the other played with his hair. "Shh, shh, shh. It's okay. I've got you now."

"I'm so stupid! I'm so weak! I'm so pathetic! I'm - I'm" he trailed off, sobbing into Keith's chest. Keith held him until he stopped shaking, rubbing his back and whispering "I love you" and "I'm here for you" and anything else that he could think might help Lance. When Lance finally pulled back, a few stray tears still on his cheeks, Keith cupped his chin and pulled him in for a quick kiss. 

"You are not pathetic, Lance." Lance nuzzled into Keith's chest, taking in his scent. "You aren't stupid or weak either. You're Lance McClain. You're the loverboy. The sharpshooter. The tailor. You're goofy and annoying. You make dumb jokes. You get distracted during fights. You call me Mullet. You flirt way too much with everyone you meet. You talk too loud sometimes and you care too much about your looks." 

"Is this supposed to be making me feel better?" Lance mumbled into Keith's chest. 

"What I'm trying to say," Keith continued, "is that all of those things - they're you. And I love you. All of you." 

Before Lance could protest and say anything self-depricating, Keith captured his lips again and any doubts melted away. Lance could swear that he was already addicted to kissing Keith. He could spend hours getting lost in his kiss. His lips were a little chapped but they managed to glide easily with Lance's and it felt heavenly. The way Keith's hands moved over Lance's body drove him crazy; not trying to get anywhere specific, just exploring. His hair was a lot softer than Lance would have imagined and Lance tangled his fingers in it, pulling excitedly. Everything about it was perfect. If Lance neved kissed anyone else in his life, he would be fine. All he needed was Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo that's the end guys! Well, of this fic. I may add another part to the series that is basically just Keith and Lance getting it on A LOT. If that's something you want to read, be sure to stick around ^~^ 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed!


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